i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
