I wanna passion pit in your ass
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
