She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
