I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
