I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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