You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
