a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
