I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
