i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
