meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is the high leading the old right now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize