You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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