the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
