just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
