Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
