I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
