She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize