you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
