You just made me feel so damn special
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
