you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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