Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
