apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
