I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
