Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
FUCK WHALES
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