My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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