my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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