Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
