He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
