I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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