we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
