He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize