wat bout pragnant strippers??
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
