saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
