The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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