I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize