he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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