apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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