He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
