So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
