She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
smell my finger.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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