The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
