i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
