Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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