So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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