Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
