I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize