I'm going to jail i love you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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