I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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