I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
