Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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