Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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