Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
