its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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