is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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