Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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