I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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