My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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