He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
