I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
