You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
