Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
