we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
