Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
