i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize