Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
