Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
