we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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