i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
