you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
