You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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