I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
