Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
