Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
