So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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