I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
