I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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