Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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