I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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