I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
