i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
