while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
