some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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