I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
