I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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